That Darn Cat

Before I continue with this post I have to address yesterday's. First of all, I am completely flattered and appreciative of the lovely comments and responses I received from friends and family regarding what I wrote yesterday and I have to tell you that it feels amazing to know how much people care about you. I feel bad though, because I realize now that the catharsis I received from being so open about my feelings may have caused a few people some alarm.  I'm over here like "man I feel so much better *whistles a happy tune* and you guys are all "she's gone off the deep end". You know what? I have gone off the deep end, but in a good way. I've just been so guarded about so many things pretty much my whole life that I thought: "hey let's give vulnerability a try and see what happens!". I'm very glad I did and if nothing else comes from writing this blog, knowing you've got my back will be reason enough for me. And for the record... I really needed to do it. But if you're still worried, here's a picture of me as a lioness.

Fierce!

Alright, on to the real post. Today I was learning lines for a play that I'm in this coming week. So, I'm totally being super diligent and learning my lines really well and being just the best actor ever (ahem), and through no fault of my own, I got distracted. Did I fool anyone?

This cat of mine, Bruce Springsteen, is a 3 year old Tuxedo cat who thinks that he is better than me. And today was no different. He plays this little game with me called "let's meow as loud as possible at 6:00 AM and see if she'll look at me". I used to think that he was lonely or hungry or some other pathetic thing, but no. He just wants to piss me off. Sometimes I'll be asleep and I'll feel this tiny little breath on my face and I'll open my eyes and there he is. Just staring. Then I try and pet him or I say something and he runs away like I startled him. 

So, today the game was "I'm going to tear around this tiny apartment as fast I can, making the most ungodly and loud howling sound for an hour straight so Elizabeth can't get anything done". He does this every day, but its usually right after he poops.  My theory is he fleetingly feels super light and weightless and he needs to use it to his immediate advantage by sprinting around the apartment.  I imagine he thinks of himself as a little kitty bullet and he's just belting in his head "BRUCEY YOU WERE BORN TO RUUUUN!" But that's just me projecting what I would be doing.

Today, however, he decides to do it for seemingly no reason and it really starts to get to me. So, I yell at my cat, who definitely speaks English, "Bruce, I swear to God if you don't stop it I'm going to punch you in your little cat face!!!!" (Disclaimer: I would never actually punch my cat in the face. Or anywhere for that matter. Besides if we had a throw down, he would win for sure).  So, he stops, because he knows what's good for him, and comes into my room and gives me this judgmental look like "what did you say to me? Bitch I am wearing a tuxedo and you are still in your towel from a shower you took 8 hours ago".

So, I make up with him and he's doing the cute cat thing where I'm trying to read something and he just wants to rub his face on it. And that's cute for like two seconds until he knocks all of my stuff on the floor and I look at him and this was no accident, this was revenge. He was punishing me for ruining his original "annoy Elizabeth" tactic that he figured out a way to do something even more annoying. Now, I know what you're probably thinking, he was just bored and wanted to play. He wanted my attention. First of all, we are together 24 hours a day. He literally has my undivided attention. Second, you can not tell me this is a face sans revenge scheme:


Punch me? Come over here and say that to my face.


In conclusion, I have the best cat ever. I will never make the mistake of doing anything other than focusing all of my attention on him ever again. Also, his tuxedo is very manly. (I think he can read this).

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